I don't think I need to give much background to this because I'm sure your timeline is already littered with news stories about and videos of "killer clowns" but in summary, a craze from the US that involves dressing up as clowns, sometimes with weapons, to scare people in the street has spread to the UK. They've been seen in parks, town centres, near schools, in trees, and it's all a bit spooky. Spooky, or potentially traumatising? I would argue the latter.
I'm a very anxious person anyway, I don't like to be scared in the way some people enjoy horror, and I suffer from some quite extreme phobias that impact my daily life. HOWEVER, there's a difference between that kind or scared and the scared I feel now, because phobias are, by definition, irrational and I think this clown things is a very genuine cause for concern, particularly because of its association with street harassment. Let me explain the connection as I see it.
So, when I got back safely into my care with the doors locked and the windows closed last night, I thought to myself I shouldn't feel like this in my own hometown. I have always felt very safe in the town I grew up - it's small enough, it has a community spirit and it's one of those white middle class boroughs in which nothing ever really happens. If I'm ever out late in a bigger town or city, which doesn't happen very often, I know to hold my bag a little tighter, to keep my head down so as not to attract unwanted attention, and to lock myself in. I know that because I am a young woman and that's what I've been taught - that's what my mum means as she calls "Go carefully!" every time I leave the house. Until now, I've never really felt the need to take these precautions, to protect myself, at home, but that's when I realised: I shouldn't need to feel like that anywhere.
We've all experienced sexism, that goes without saying, and we've all (I sadly expect) been catcalled, but I'll be honest - it doesn't happen to me that often and I know I'm very lucky. When I read articles about women being harassed on a daily basis I feel very lucky that I can, for the most part, go about without these threats - being looked at, followed, touched, chased. I have feared all the things in the last week because of the so-called clowns and I've realised that they are the embodiment of all that women fear when out alone. Therein lies the problem.
(I know this happens to men too but I can only speak from experience).
I spoke to my younger sister about this craze a few days ago. She's 16 and she said it's made her scared to be home alone. Terrified, she said, it makes me feel sick thinking about it. And then she said something that I've been thinking over a bit the last few days: "It's okay because they don't come in your house". That's not okay, is it? To live in a society where young women only feel safe inside their own homes, and not always that in some cases. Whether it be the threat of a man in a creepy mask or an unassuming stranger that could have sinister intentions, the last week has really highlighted to me that we have good reason to feel afraid.
And what about their intentions? My mum said to me when we saw the clown craze on the news, "but it's just a joke, isn't it?" Maybe, but not a very funny one when you think of the repercussions. I'm sure that most of the time it's just kids behind the masks - teenage boys getting kicks out of frightening people, but are those kids going to grow up to get kicks out of catcalling? harassment? assault? Maybe.
The other troubling thing about this is how it's suddenly entered the public consciousness. It came out of nowhere and only a few days later the number of posts on my Facebook are dwindling. Is it, like most crazes, going away again as soon as it came, or has it become part of the norm? We've learnt the rules now - we stay in, we walk quickly, we keep in groups. After all, that's what's expected of us, right?
I don't really know what my conclusion is, or indeed what this whole jumble of thoughts was. I'd like to end on some empowering message about not being afraid and holding my head high but I'd be lying - I'm still scared. I truly hope that the clown thing will die down soon enough, but I'm less confident about street harassment without the mask, sadly. If anything, this week has been a wake up call to the vulnerability of women out alone - one that I wish I didn't need. I'm sheltered from it most of the time, and my heart breaks for my sisters around the world that feel it every damn day.
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